TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
