If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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