Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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