I hate your face
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
