Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
