we have officially lost it.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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