I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
