I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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