He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
