Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
