there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
