You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
