This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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