but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
