I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
