Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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