my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
