So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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