i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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