I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
