In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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