the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
