So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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