Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize