Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
