I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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