Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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