We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
