I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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