We're like a lot better than the average bears
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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