Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
please come you make the beer taste better
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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