you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
