So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
