I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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