facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
