i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
