she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
