feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize