Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
