doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
