I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
