But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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