I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize