i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
