Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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