i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
