He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
