his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
