Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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