let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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