The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
