Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
