He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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