Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
