Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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