Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
