so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
