Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
