You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
