Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
