I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
