She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just blew my weed a kiss
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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