wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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