your room smells of hookers.
And success
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
