I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
