We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
