You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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