Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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