pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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