I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
