I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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