my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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