as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
