I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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