My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
