I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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