I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
