I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
