Pappa wants mamma naked
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
