Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
