my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
