I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
